Simi_1986's Xanga

So I finally settled in...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:49:18 GMT

It's been almost 3 months when I first put foot on China.

I definitely hit the punchline on October the 20th when I had to move out after a long, nasty and very nerve-racking time with two Chinese guys and one very moody Norwegian girl...

That time really took a lot of energy out of me, and it really threw me back in classes. But in the end, I made it and am doing so much better now.
If it wasn't for the German family who willingly kind of adopted me, I wouldn't have been able to recover so well and quickly.
I really do regret the time and energy I have wasted to save the situation and make it work between my 3 former flatmates, and especially the fact that because of this and my health problems I could never concentrate on studying and have therefore missed out on so much.

Though, I don't think it's worth regretting that time. Because when I look back, there were so many nice moments too I just didn't see back then.
I got to know so many nice people who with just being there made me feel so much better. And if it wasn't for all that, I would have never met that nice family I am living with now. They are probably the nicest and most upright people I have met in a very long time! I am very grateful about having met them. They probably don't know to what extend they did good for me.

The only thing that I kind of feel sad about is that I haven't been able to make Chinese friends. It just seems to be impossible. I have met nice ones by now though. So I won't give up the hope that one day I will have Chinese friends that are my friends because for who I am, not for what I can do.

善有善报，
恶有恶报。
不是不报，
事后未到。
时候一到，
一切都报。

为什么？。。。

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 15:31:34 GMT

对中国人，我们不算人。
我们只是白色的。。。

现在我得在这里忍一年。。。

可能，我帆一个很大的错误。。。

A true loving song...

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:40:21 GMT

Hold me
Like the river Jordan
And I will then say to thee
You are my friend

Carry me
Like you are my brother
Love me like a mother
Will you be there?

Weary
Tell me will you hold me?
When wrong, will you scold me?
When lost, will you find me?

But they told me
A man should be faithful
And walk when not able
And fight 'til the end
But I'm only human

Everyone's taking control of me
Seems that the world's
Got a role for me
I'm so confused
Will you show it to me?
You'll be there for me
And care enough to bear me

Hold me (show me)
Lay your head lowly (lowly)
Softly then boldly
Carry me there (I'm only human)

Lead me (hold me)
Love me and feed me
Kiss me and free me
I will feel blessed (I'm only human)

Carry (carry)
Carry me boldly (carry me)
Lift me up slowly
Carry me there (I'm only human)

Save me (save me)
Heal me and bathe me (lift me up)
Softly you say to me
I will be there (I will be there)

Lift me (don't leave)
Lift me up slowly
Carry me boldly
Show me you care (care)

Hold me
Lay your head lowly (get lonely sometime)
Softly then boldly (I get lonely)
Carry me there (will you be there)

Need me
Love me and feed me (lift me up, hold me up, lift me up sometime)
Kiss me and free me (up sometime)
I will feel blessed

In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
And my tribulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart

*Michael Jackson

"Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong."

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 12:52:16 GMT

Sometimes it's letting go."

Kind of cheesy, but probably true...

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 21:14:45 GMT

Goodbye...

Wed, 06 May 2009 19:19:47 GMT

Chris Brown - Say Goodbye [HQ]

Baby come here and sit down, let's talk

I got a lot to say so I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don't wanna see you cry
But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I'ma do the best I can to get you to understand

There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Boy it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Boy I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, boy I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

How do you let it go? When you,
You just don't know? What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Boy I hope you understand
What I'm tryna say
We just can't go on
Pretending that we get along
Boy how you not gonna see it?

There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Boy it's not you it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Listen to your heart
Boy you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
I, I just can't do it
Listen to your heart
Boy you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna cry

Do you hear me crying?

There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Boy it's not you it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say...

Watching the world spin round

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 12:22:46 GMT

And...
It is breaking me down
watchin’ the world spin ‘round
while my dreams fall down
is anybody out there?

It is breaking me down
no more friends around
and my dreams fall down
is anybody out there?

Can anybody out there hear me
‘cause I can’t seem to hear myself
can anybody out there see me
‘cause I can’t seem to see myself
There’s gotta be a heaven somewhere
can you save me from this hell?
can anybody out there feel me
‘cause I can’t seem to feel myself

Losin’ my way, keep losin’ my way
keep losin’ my way
can you help me find my way

Losin’ my way, keep losin’ my way
keep losin’ my way
can you help me find my way...?

An endless struggle...

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 09:01:11 GMT

...and I'll never succeed...

Oh mother... it's over

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 18:40:40 GMT

An old man told me yesterday...

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 19:09:26 GMT

"Bleib so wie du bist, dann... dann wird alles gut..."

I wonder if he knew what was going on...

*
He died in May, the 4th 2008 due to cancer.
*